Stop Measuring Your Worth By The Money You Make

Whatever financial amount you do or do not make for a living, there are other contributions to yourself, family, specialty, and community upon which to measure. Inherent worth of each life aside, we have a tendency to equate our overall worth to society or group by how much money we earn in support of that group or lifestyle. Without getting too much into the value of living life in financial comfort and opportunity over poverty, let's assess how 'richness' is a frame of mind.

Does the quality or quantity of what's in your cup matter?

The Measuring Stick

Bhutan, a country NE of China along the Himalayan edge, is well known for measuring its success not be its gross national product (amount of tradable goods and services offered in one year by a country), but by its gross national happiness.

GNH is an aggregate measure of a variety of factors believed to contribute to a person's overall well-being and happiness with life. It is based on the philosophy that money, while playing an important role in one's happiness and well-being, is not a holistic measurement. In fact, many other reasons affect the general 'happy with life' state of mind.

So, what other measurements of general happiness are there? Satisfaction with one's work, connection and relationship to love ones, time to indulge in hobbies, sense of community, making a difference, personality (optimism, resiliency, humility, humor), pleasure (food, intimacy, music, nature, etc.), usefulness, quality of friendships maintained...

Character portraits from the show "Life Below Zero" by National Geographic discuss their sense of 'richness' at living sustainably off the land. By most modern standards of financial success, they would belong to a low economic class. However, they live how they want to live, and so determine their lives to be idealist compared to the hidden downsides of being governed by capitalist society. If financial wealth is not your objective, but sustainability through daily maintenance, one could very well be considered 'rich' in all things besides money.

Richness as a Feeling

As the primary caregiver to my son, I struggle with this sense of worth on a daily basis. Only when I step back and realize everything I do in contribution to the team of my family do I accept that financial earning is not the only measure of success.

I am rich in so many ways:  imagination, mediation, counseling, writing, love, self-care, dreaming analysis, communication, wisdom...

In reality, I perform more roles and functions to my family than the bread-winner (not to undermine the importance of that role). Leftover responsibilities of creatively solving our problems, managing our finances, conducting our social life, cleaning and maintaining our home, answering family queries, meal purchasing and preparation, tending to the health of individuals, scheduling and administrative duties, trip planning, animal care, and incidentals all fall to me. Although I wasn't always happy to perform them in the beginning, I have grown to enjoy the independence, self-regulation, management, and first-hand knowledge it has afforded me.

Perhaps it only bothers me because we know I could be paid for many of the skills and functions I use and serve. Alas, there are things like gender pay gap, and field pay caps, and job constraints which interfere with both of us earning enough to cover child care.

Parents are not paid for raising their own children because it's assumed we earn other benefits from the pain, sweat, and tears which go into it, like joy, affection, legacy, and hospice care. And because couples nowadays are keeping the option to swap roles on the table, both earners and non-earners should learn to judge their own worth by other means, so the dilemma of measuring worth by financial gain stops being an issue.

Other areas of worth:

• The lessons you teach others without expectation of pay matters.
• The thought and attention you pay to another living soul without expectation of return matters.
• The space you create for yourself and/or others to relax in matters, regardless how small or minimalist the decor. 
• The social affairs you arrange can lead to all manner of beneficial exchanges, both material and immaterial.
• The relationships you cultivate bring support, meaning, guidance, enrichment, and growth to all involved. 
• How you model positive adaptive behaviors to others matters, even when you don't know they're looking.
• How you treat others: your kids, your significant other(s), your parents, your relatives, strangers, threatening people, etc.

For these are life-changing veins which manifest real results.

With so many intangible possibilities, how might we measure our self-worth in a visual or numerical way?

• Savings - money saved or accurately budgeted - Extreme couponers know this one all too well. For the average consumer, saving money for your family by foregoing luxuries or unnecessary expenses is a clear contribution to financial security. A penny saved truly is a penny earned.
• Caregiving - Think of time and labor as costs you would spend otherwise if someone in the household or family was not satisfying this need. Tending to little ones or ailed relatives are both jobs we pay other people for. Consider time, attention, energy, and care dedicated to the well-being of another to be as important as generating income, and you'll realize how indispensable and cost-effective being full-time/part-time caregiver is.
• Food - Growing your own food isn't an option for everyone, but for those who find a way, every vegetable, grain, fruit, or ounce of meat directly translates to a dollar amount. In fact, many farmers who choose to maintain a garden will sell off or trade their excess for other goods. The old barter system works just as well today as it did a century ago, if you can find the right circumstance. Excess can also be preserved and stored for use in the latter months, the same way our ancestors survived. Utilizing what you have on hand in creative ways to make a meal is also a benefit to the budget. 
• Debt Pay-off - prompt, efficient payments - Because credit, loans, mortgage, interest, and vehicle payments rule our modern lives, being savvy in spending is as essential to know as how to earn. Not only do you have to make money, you have to know how to divvy it. If you've learned how to pay off your debts timely and efficiently, you are a step above the rest for sure. Certain tricks exist for doing this, even on a tight budget:
• Paid in full discounts are unspoken policies of most medical care facilities.
• Targeting high interest debt with higher priority to pay off over lower interest will save money in the long run.
• Negotiating payment plans that fit your income.
• Scrimping until goal pay-off is met.
• Investment with the intention to improve value of something, and flip.

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Why are these things so important? 

Primary earners don't always have the time or energy to devote to these sorts of chores/goals. 

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Money is fleeting. It is also a never-ending goal, always unattainable. There is never enough. When we measure our worth by something so fickle, we leave ourselves vulnerable to the emotional consequence of believing the misconception that what we offer in service or labor for payment is all that matters. We are all prostitutes for pay otherwise.

As you make money, or focus on trying to make money, remember the value you have to yourself and those around you.